What is Quality Time?
I’ve had these kinds of thoughts, but it’s nice to hear someone say it so precisely.
I sometimes wonder if I’m failing because I’m not creative every day with my kids or because I spent all day working and didn’t get much fun in. You know? You read blogs about what other people are doing with their kids and instantly feel like a failure. (Who knows? You may even feel that way when you read this blog–so sorry. That has never been my intention, even from the beginning)
I’m eventually pulled back to a rational line of thought, when I realize (once again!) that just being here counts for something. I remember how good it felt just to know that my mom was available if I needed her, even if she wasn’t right there reading me a book or playing a game with me. That’s not always what I needed. She had business to tend to and so do I. I’m not giving myself an excuse to ignore my kids, just relieving some of those irrational guilty feelings that creep in from time to time. And it certainly is encouraging to hear this from others as well. So, thanks Nancy.
…they need to know you are in shouting distance, that you are listening to them while you are slapping the pb on with the j. Having you on the premises to cheer for their tricky somersault or to speak to them about how they are talking to their sister is exactly what they need. They eat it up with a spoon. That is quality time. And they need it spread on thick.
I think being crafty and creative is almost a fad these days. But not everyone is like that–creative or crafty. I feel horrible when I read some blogs of women who seem to have everything together perfectly–I sure don’t, but I do the best I can trying to ensure we do a wide variety of things and that she will (hopefully) be a well-rounded young woman of character.
I think for a lot of people “quality time” is going to be different. My daughter and I do a lot of things, but we aren’t creating quilted place mats or jewelry of precious stones. I wish I was better at that kind of thing, but I’m not, so we do things that come more naturally. There always has to be a balance between work and fun–neither can go “undone.” I think you seem to do just fine!
Well said, Jessica! It does look different for everybody. I think the key is to know our kids and listen to their queues and to understand that it’s okay for them to be on their own sometimes….fosters those imaginations. As someone once said, “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” and I think there’s a lot of truth to that. I’m a lot more valuable to my family if I’ve got my ducks in a row and I’m relaxed and content. For our family at least, that translates into happy kids and better quality family time!
Gina, I can’t help but think, looking at your picture here, that Micah MIGHT need you to be there for him right now and make sure he doesn’t put those legos in his mouth? j/k thanks for the insights!
Ha! Natalie. He actually jumped that guilty, startled jump (you know the one?) when he realized I was there and he had been caught. He knows he shouldn’t be messing with those Legos. The allure was too great for him, though.
wise words and a good reminder for me too!
and a confession: i am NOT a crafty mom at all. in fact…*shhh*… i really hate crafts. i like making things by hand that are useful but i so don’t want to spend my time making things with glitter and pipecleaners and nonsense.
I love this post. I do think that just having you physically present is very important. I know it was for me as a child.
I feel that way about the kids too. I just like hearing them play upstairs…even if I’m not up there. I’m comforted by hearing their play.
I got that guilty jump just today Gina! I was on the phone with my husband making take-out dinner plans (pizza night!) Abby seems to “jump” on the opportunity to do something naughty whenever I am on a phone call. Joseph recently organized our desk and, without me knowing, put my rubber stamps & ink pads on the bottom drawer. I came into the living room to find Abby’s hands and face covered in red. I got a big SORRY MOMMA! and she quickly closed the ink and jumped to her feet…let’s just say I am CERTAIN she knew better!
Nothing in my young life was a significant as the assurance that mom would be there… In my sixties I appreciate her simply being there round the clock more than all the lessons she taught me. You go Gina, you are definitely my favourite!