It’s Okay to Say, “No.”
Guess where we went this weekend? Well, 2/5 of us anyway. Since we’ve been sick, only myself and my little man were able to go to the circus, but boy was it an adventure. It had been so long since I had seen a circus and it really was pretty neat. My favorite part was the acrobats, since you asked. But just so you know, this is a post where I’m going to get up on my high horse about something. I don’t usually aim to do that, so consider yourself warned.
There were definitely some amazing sights to behold, and no, I’m not just talking about trapeze artists, or crazy clowns, or tigers, or elephants that paint on an easel. (Although all those things are great, by the way) No, I’m talking about amazing marketing strategies.
Look, I get that these people have to make money to run the show. I also get that when I choose to go see the show, I should expect to be tempted to buy the $18.00 swirly-whirly flashlights and the $10.00 lemonades. But seeing all of that waved RIGHT in front of my 4 year old’s face strengthened my (and in turn, our) resolve to stick. to. our. guns.
When our kids see a commercial or billboard or magazine advertisement, they almost immediately say, “Look, mom, they want us to buy such and such…” They are starting to learn that everyone thinks they need everything to be happy. But just because they can recognize this doesn’t make it any easier for them to understand why they shouldn’t have everything they see that they like.
I mean, when you say to a child, “Here, you want a light-up sword?” Well, OF COURSE he wants a light-up sword! He’s four years old, for cryin’ out loud! But really, it’s okay to say ‘no.’ And if you’re engaged with your kids on a daily basis, they will learn to be okay with hearing, ‘no’ from time to time.
He did ask me for a light-up sword. Once. But when I explained that there were better ways that we could spend our money, he was totally fine with that. He trusted me. We bought our bag of popcorn and soda from the concession for four dollars (still, not cheap!) And we came home with a coloring book that he could share with his sickly sister and LOTS of pictures to remember our day. It’s a special thing to get to go to the circus and there is no reason why a parent should leave feeling guilty because he or she did not buy a $20 clown hat, or flashlight or a $12 sno-cone as a souvenir.
It may be helpful to talk about this kind of thing beforehand, which I did not do. It caught me off guard. But the next day, I pulled out a couple of treats that I had been saving for a rainy day. We told the kids how proud we were of them, our son because he did not beg for things or whine about not getting a light-up sword; and our daughter because she had a good attitude about staying home from the circus and was happy that her brother got to enjoy his trip. I still spent less than I would have on that crazy light-up sword. I’m hoping these things will go a long way in reinforcing to our kids that “Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of the appetite…” (Ecclesiastes 6:9).
great post, gina. good job on your “high horse.”
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I totally agree. My hubby is one of those that thinks “they HAVE to get SOMETHING”. Kinda drives me bonkers. Maybe he and I should have the talk before hand before we talk with the kids. LOL Just kidding, kinda.
I’ve been trying to get away from kids’ meals at drive-thru’s for this same reason. My kids are chosing where to eat based on toys. I keep telling them, it’s for the food that we go, not the toy. (not that drive thru’s are great…that’s another blog post though)
Anyway, stay on your high horse…you are definitely on the right track.
Many daughters have done excellently, but you excell them all.
Very good parenting.
Standing firm with the NO’s too!
I think too many parents want to give their kids a life “better then theirs.” However, when we cater to their every whim we are reinforcing the behaviors we work so hard to prevent. I don’t remember all the little toys my parents got me as a kid. I remember the time they spent with me forming family bonds. Those are my treasures and I hope that is what I am teaching my kids to treasure too.
Great post, Gina. You guys are doing a great job with your little ones. Definitely a good example to those of us following behind.
Nice post Gina and great job as a Mom! We just went last week while it was in Charleston and I wanted so much to buy my kids all those things that were constantly walking by – I even stopped a few of them to ask prices and it was just absolutely ridiculous! I HAD warned my kids ahead of time that they’d be selling all kinds of things that we weren’t going to buy but they still asked and it was still hard. We didn’t even buy snacks there but we did buy a boomerang. $10 was not too bad and I knew their Daddy would have just as much fun with that as they would so it’s family bonding!
atta girl…we went to this fantastic show for the last few years, and we still have the tiger and horse cups that our 5 million dollar icees came in! However, the last few times, we have said no to the light up whirlies and the light up swords and the 5 million dollar icees.
To this Corie person, you hit it with the whole, “I want to give them what I couldn’t afford growing up!” I want to say to these parents, ” Well, go ahead, that’s stupid and it won’t end well, but go ahead!”
I threaten bodily harm if my kids so much as breathe a desire to have a pack of gum at the checkout, or a piece of candy when we run in a store. Now, I have been known to come out with a couple snickers bars, just did that Sunday actually, however, noone asked for them. Ask and you shall not receive, that is my philosophy! ha
good post Gina – and by the way, Sam spoke about that verse with the children when we visited Providence that time, we have referred back to that lots and lots
Say yes to saying no! love it!
Wow! So many kindred spirits…so much agreement. Isn’t it nice to know you’re not alone in this journey? Thanks for all the positive feedback. I’ve told my kiddos before that when they ask me for every little thing, it takes the joy of giving away from me. I love to give them little surprises now and then, but not because they asked–because I love them. (like Jamie and her Snickers: beauty!)
My father in law, a.k.a. Mkhulu, has always told Sam and me that he wants us to “do a little better” than he did. I’ve always thought that was such a beautiful and unselfish thing to want for your kids. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean for us to go buy them all kinds of stuff, because just to be clear, “more stuff” doesn’t equal a “better childhood than the one I had.” If our generation of parents could just get that…
You’re right, Corie. I mostly remember all the sweet memories too, not all the knick knacks.
yep, it’s hard. i wanted to buy stuff too. i think we just need to be intentional about what we’re spending our money on and how it will benefit our family. i thought those boomerangs were cool, too. the boomerang guy never came near us! but seriously, wasn’t it CRAZY how they waved all that stuff right in the kids’ faces? gag.
I’m 30 years old and I am just now, with my kids, realizing how spoiled I was as a child. My father did and still does resort to “buying” my affection with things. My life was full to overflowing with pretty much anything I ever really wanted. As I got older, I learned that if I earned money I could spend it on pretty much anything I ever wanted, and if I couldn’t afford it, I could always put the thought in my dad’s head.
Shame. On. Me.
By God’s grace, I have married an amazing husband that grew up very simply. Just today, we walked into a book store for the first time in almost a year (and I can really go crazy in a book store). We hit only the bargain books section and came out with just a few things for the kids. I found myself wishing I could’ve purchased just a few more things, but by the time I was unloading the car at the end of the day and coming into a house full of stuff, I realized we really don’t NEED any more books, toys, or games. We really just need to be content with what we’ve got.
We’re entering a very different season of our lives and will soon have to cut back on our expenses pretty drastically. Keep the blog rolling on such matters of the heart. I NEED IT!
Side note…my love language is quality time. I think for my parents time was money, and because of that our family was bankrupt of what was really important.
wow, natalie! what a great realization for you. by taking these little steps and relying on God’s grace, you’re “doing a little better” for your family. (a lot better?) i really do think a simple life is so freeing. but don’t worry, we all want stuff. you’re not alone in that.
we are also becoming constant purgers. just yesterday, my kids and i pulled out a stack of books that we felt like we could let go of and let someone else enjoy. they were things we all agreed on. i tell the kids that i will never make them get rid of something that is precious to them…then we think about what “precious” actually means.
Great post and I’ve already used this story with my kiddos to give them an example of unselfish love! What great cousins my kids have. Thanks for the example from both you and your family!